I have so many obsessions now in days that I am beginning to lose track of them. A few weeks ago I finished a book about a fat marathoner. Since then I have become obessed with reading about fat girls and running. I downloaded a bunch of books. I have started reading a bunch of blogs. I have subscribed to a bunch of mailing lists that encourage me to run.
Today I read this blog post and did it ever fire me up! I was ready to conquer the world! I was ready to run 100 miles in today’s 90 plus heat (it was damn hot)! I continued to read motivating article after article. I even decided to do the 31-day lunge challenge. I was feeling great and positive about myself.
I need to learn how to keep that feeling.
My mom and talked for the first time in a few days today. She went to the neurologist and is going to try some new meds. She says that she is tired of living this life- pain, depression, being a hermit, etc. I hope the new meds help. I almost lost it when she apologized to me for being sick. This is out of her control. I know she is doing the best she can. I do not mean to get short with her. I want her to call me whenever she wants to. I do not want her to apologize. I want my mom back.
When I got home from work, I was feeling a little blue and lonely. I am so tired of coming home to an empty house and having no one to talk to. I want someone to come home to, to share my life with, to make a life with. I fear that I am getting to comfortable being alone.
Loneliness sucks.
And yet I am proud of myself that I tool myself for a walk.
And I am proud of myself that I can pay all my bills with no issue.
And I have 408 days till my cruise!
