Today we had an earthquake. It was an odd one. It felt like I was in the ocean and a wave went by. The epicenter was about 20 miles away. I never thought I would say this, but it was kind of fun. The rolling of the floor was an odd sensation.
I am happy that Christmas is over. I no longer look forward to the holiday season. Even Halloween is becoming hard for me. I am fighting myself to not take down the Christmas decorations until Sunday. I enjoy all of my little treasures and at the same time they make me sad. I have not looked forward to decorating for a few years, but I always do. It is a game I play. I play pretend. I pretend that I am excited for everyone who comes over.
Let’s be honest. No one comes over.
I do this stupid thing with high hopes. I buy games that I look forward to playing. Silly board games that I have heard about. I love watching Will Wheaton’s Tabletop on youtube. I run out and buy the games. Then they sit in my closet and never get played. It kills me. It is some sort of weird addiction that I cannot stop. It is like I am paying to punish myself. When I buy the game I know that I will probably never play it. I make sure to share with people that I have a new game I want to play. They seem excited. They say we should get together to play the game. And then it never happens.
Kinda like everything I want to do in every other aspect of my life.
Poor, sad, pathetic little me.
Yes, that was from Sunday Morning from No Doubt.
I just aged myself.
I have decided that I believe in reincarnation. I have to. I have to believe that I was not a very good person in my previous life. I am paying for my behavior now. It explains why I am alone, why I will never have kids, why I will never have a family of my own. It also gives me hope that in the next life I will have a more satisfying life. I will fit in. I will be part of the norm. I will be normal.
Or as normal as I can be.
What is normal?
