As depressing as today was, it was actually better than I thought it would be. My mom was feeling miserable and my dad was gone. This is how most of our holiday’s have been going. I went over to see my mom today and surprisingly she was hungry. Best news I have heard in awhile. I made her go with me to Baker’s to get something to eat. She ordered a chicken taco, fries, and a coffee. She ate every bite and kept saying how good it was. I could ask for nothing more.
We did have plans to go out for dinner last night, but she was not feeling up to it. It broke my heart. I was depressed and disappointed. I knew in my heart that she was never going to make it, but still I could not help but feel let down. But I learned something yesterday. When I am disappointed and frustrated sometimes I lay on the couch and feel sorry for myself or I run all sorts of errands that I have been putting off.
That is just what I did yesterday. I mailed a couple of packages, I get new printer ink, I bought some walking shoes (that I will be returning), got a pedicure, and did some shopping at Target. I felt a little better afterwards. When I am feeling down I sometimes spend too much money and I was feeling that way yesterday. I came home, made dinner, watched The Judge, and turned in early.
This morning I was kicked in the gut. I saw everyone going to brunch with their moms, buying flowers for their moms, and families together.
I so desperately want a family. I want to belong to something.
But I am going to try to turn my frown upside down. I had a good dinner tonight, I have a good book to read, and I am going to try Baby Foot. I have read so much about and the curiosity bug bit me. I have had the package for awhile and now seems just as good as any other time to try it.
This is going to be interesting.
