I had a great night tonight. I met with the ladies from book club and had a wonderful time. We laughed and ate and I could not have asked for more.
Then I come home and I feel completely alone. My family is not really talking to me and that is really hurting. My mind starts to obsess and tries to convince myself that I will always be alone.
To be honest, I am beginning to believe it.
When is the last time I had a date?
When is the last time someone told me they could not imagine their life without me?
When is the last time someone held me?
When is the last time I felt like I belonged?
When is the last time I believed in myself?
I put on the happy face trying to convince others that I am happy and content in hoping that I will become happy and content. I spend all sorts of money on therapy, acupuncture, and a million other things looking for contentment. I have tried not looking and just living day by day, but I am constantly reminded of how alone I am.
I guess now is the time to let you know that I will whine a lot in this blog. This blog is my journal that anyone can read. Maybe I am looking for sympathy or understanding. I do not know.
All I know is that I am alone and
